Remember yesterday when I said I enjoyed the morning cardio because I feel awake etc...well its a good thing because my simple morning cardio of burning 200 cals as been upped to 35 minutes now! At first it was a slap in the face,however this morning I didn't mind it. I would like it even better if I wasn't waking up to constant drizzle and gloominess!
Yesterday was our long lifting day-shoulders and arms. I was full of energy and in a good mental place all day until I got home and had down time. By the time we got to the gym at seven, my mind was nuts and I had a horrible mood swing/mini panic attack. Brendan got our newly tweaked plan for the rest of our prep. and I was just dwelling on it. The whole cardio thing is killing me. I get consumed thinking about the cardio we have to do after we lift, and just thinking about it makes me tired. Yesterday's second session was supposed to be stairs but there were a bunch of D-bags taking up the machines. It was annoying to see them hunched over , hanging on the machine for dear life or better yet talking on the phone! Instead we opted for the open bikes. Surprisingly my fifteen sprints weren't bad...and neither was my lifting session. Once I got going I was all good. I just had to jump over the mental hurdle of cardio. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are always tougher because we get to the gym so late.
Going forward I am going to try my best not to dwell on the cardio. Weights are more important and cardio should be mindless. Only a couple more weeks of double sessions.
On the flip side we changed up my diet a little bit as far as food. My cals. didn't change but we did some tweaking with my BCAAs and night meal. I must say, I went to bed happy and full. Well as full as you can be on a contest prep. diet! The change is good, it will help me be fuller for my extended morning cardio.
When we walked out of the gym at nine, I was feeling slightly better. Although, in the back of my mind I had those nasty post contest weight gain thoughts! I hate them....By the end of this prep we will have been busting our buts for 22wks! I don't want to see my body gain weight. I know I can't stay this thin because my body can't survive in this depleted state and make gains, however I fear going back to the dark place where I was this winter-depressed about my body!
I love my veins and my leanness...I feel confident,secure and a little bit bad ass, considering I have more veins in my upper body than most of the guys at the gym! I don't want that to change and I need to keep telling myself it won't and I am in control! Or at least Brendan is! Ha he is like a diet Ninja! He promised to keep us on the straight and narrow beast mode for the off season and I believe him,because he too was unhappy with our last off season binges/weight gain. With that said I am going to trust him and start focusing on day to day business...not looking weeks and months ahead!
One thing about contest prep is the emotions are out of control...so many highs and lows throughout the entire journey. How quick the moods can shift too! It's good that I have Brendan as my rock! I was having mental craziness about not being ready and other girls...can't help thinking and worrying...I know there is always going to be someone better, I just need to focus on me. Brendan is right, it's all about me and coming in better than my previous self, the rest is out of my control.. I got to keep pushing and giving it my all!
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